Change Your Life

“CHANGE YOUR LIFE” 

That’s what the job posting said. As a College Senior, I was looking for a new job and noticed this sign advertising an in-home position helping a family care for their son with autism. The posting caught my attention immediately, and I decided to meet with the boy's mom to talk more.

She shared a little bit about her six-year-old son, Frank, explaining that he didn’t use words in ways that most people were used to. He had his own unique way of communicating and one of the main parts of my job would be to notice and adapt to his way of being in the world. I’d be there to help him begin to understand where his stress was coming from, since he wasn’t great at doing that, and would be there to help him develop skills and work with a group of others who would all be part of Frank’s team using similar techniques.

The plan was for me to take a preliminary 2 hour shift to see if our personalities would be a good match. If it didn’t go well, I wouldn’t get the job and I wouldn’t be paid. She was, and still is, a fierce advocate for her son and she wanted to make sure that his team was of the highest quality.

I respected her for that immediately and felt up to the challenge.

Our two-hour session went well, so I did get paid (woohoo!) and ended up getting the job. Actually, I ended up working with Frank for six years and becoming an extended part of their family.

I helped him learn social skills & life skills and also helped take care of his daily needs.

Honestly, the family was right. The experience of getting to know Frank, entering his world, and offering opportunities for him to grow, also led to my own growth in ways I didn't anticipate. 

Frank changed my perspective of the world. He showed me what it was like for him, someone who was a little more on the margins than I had ever found myself. We spent most of that first year of our time together in his room, a space that had been designed for him to flourish - with safety and connection being primary goals so that he could begin to develop the skills needed to step into the mainstream world.

Over time, he was able to handle more. His social struggles and sensory processing issues were still present, but he had worked on coping mechanisms and ways of handling stress that empowered him to enter school, develop more outside relationships, and find ways to share his world with those around him.

And it was easy to join in Frank’s world, because it was a place of joy, creativity, and humor. In several ways, the beauty and gifts of who Frank was, made me realize my own gifts. He also taught me that some gifts are harder to see at first and are often missed altogether.

Over the years, we began to understand each other in a deeper way. We developed our own short-hand way of communicating. We had games and inside jokes that we came up with together. His challenges revealed some of my own, and his joys enlivened mine as well. I am still discovering some ways that I was impacted by those precious years pouring into that family.

I grew in patience and compassion for people who live isolated. I developed skills and techniques I still use in parenting our girls today. And I am certain that I’ll tap into more of the gifts from that season of life as I live here in the Village. 

Through a genuine friendship that developed slowly, Frank truly did change my life.